Sometimes pure fun takes over, since I had this in my head, felt it was worth just belting it out and then getting back to the story construction. Here is my concept for the very first introduction sequence on the Boneeaters website – an animated comic to introduce people to the story and their first choice. This would also serve as the home page of the site, why not just hit it with everything we got, no preamble?
On the left side of the page would be the “Story so far…” with “Chapter 1: Arrival” highlighted as this is the one the reader is building right now. Also somewhere prominent a rating notice: This online adventure game is PG-13-rated and will include strong language and depictions of violence.
Here is a shot of concept art too, that I had done the last time and will adjust a bit with the new direction soon.
Chapter 1 – Arrival
Caption: ONE MONTH AGO.
A pod of 3 Hamrettle (Nalgazta or just Nal, Sharlek, and Tivray – all female) are traveling together on a bright day on Father (the planet). They stand about 3 feet tall, are furry, and have bodies with human features. Nalgazta (Nal) looks up at the sky. There are 3 moons in the sky visible during the bright day.
Close up of Nal looking up. Caption: Nalgazta, known as Nal, leader of her pod…
Nal: …bright… warm… safe…
Sharlek: … pleasing… tired… journey long…
Tivray (look of annoyance on her face): …impatient… when over… ?
Nal/Sharlek: (laughing) kee, kee, kee!!
Nal: …continue… hurry…
Several shots of the pod scurrying along, Nal in somewhat of a rush.
Suddenly Sharlek stops, pivots down and starts to feed on the ground.
Sharlek: …nourish… need…
Nal stops and looks back slightly annoyed.
Nal: …impatient…
Closer up shot.
Nal: … when over…?
Sharlek/Tivray: (laughing) kee, kee, kee!!
Shots of all 3 feasting for a while on the ground in their unusual eating pattern.
All three: nom … nom… nom…
They are finished and Nal pats the ground lovingly
Nal: …father… thanks…
The three continue their journey, maybe slight bellies now? Hehe
They pull up to a small cliff and look over
Another pod is traveling not that far away. Sharlek points.
Sharlek: …loo!… Lemkeiq??…
Nal: … DAUGHTER??!!
They spring towards the other pod, squealing loudly to get their attention…
Nal/Sharlek/Tivray: Loo! Loo! Loo!!
The other pod pivots and runs towards Nal’s pod. They leap onto each other in joyful embraces, rolling around, causing dust to rise.
Both pods: LOO! LOO! LOO!
Nal hugs Lemkieq tightly.
Lemkieq closes her eys, smiling: .. MOTHER!
Nal furiously inspects Lemkieq, looking for any bugs or other stuff; Lemkieq looks annoyed
Nal: … maintenance… important… neglectful…
Lemkieq: …impatient…
Sharlek/Tivray: … when over?? Kee kee!
Nal ignores them and continues looking for bugs
Nal: …not amused… mites!…
Lemkieq resigns herself and lifts her arms as Nal picks off bugs here and there and eats them
Nal stops and looks concerned
Nal: …health… acceptable?… risks low?
Lemkeiq: …worry much… not young…
Nal: …young still… worry forever…
Lemkieq (big smile): …Kee kee
From another distance a third pod is watching the interaction. All 3 females in this pod are angry.
Jelenn, leader of this pod, close up: … living mother… sacrilege… embarrass…
Others in her pod commiserate: … disgust… unacceptable… showoff…
The third pod runs up to the other two pods. Hollering a warning
3rd pod: Rrrriii rrriii rrriiiii
Jelenn confronts Nal: … position wrong… my zone… leave!…
Nal stands tall, looks at Jelenn and assesses…
Close up of Nal.
Nal: …apologies… moving…
Nal and Lemkeiq’s pods run together towards where Nal’s pod was…
Lemkeiq: …ashamed… off zone…
Nal: …move…
Arriving in their area, both pods begin to feast again
Nal: …safe… nourish… together… share…
A sequence of pull-back shots showing Nal’s pod, then a larger area and a half dozen other pods, then pull back and hundreds of pods. The pods are not haphazard, they are roughly in a straight line from coast to coast (they will move in patterns). They are feasting in an area of land that is oddly like a ring around the planet, a few miles wide, but then circling the whole planet. The last shot, showing this ring and the planet overall, also show a spaceship in orbit.
Closer shot of the ship, show a big window with Nate Elm and Kennedy Jarod looking at the planet (which is reflected in the window).
Kennedy: Scans are still sketchy. Sparse life signs, but that makes no sense with the lush terrain, it should be teeming with life.
Nate: Agreed, and that ring is just so odd, we need to study this more before we land.
Kennedy: Obviously…
Caption: TODAY
Nal’s pod is on the move (just her pod, not both)
Nal: …patch replenish… relocate now…
As the pack is on the move they suddenly stop and look up, something is coming…
Nal: …surprise!… wonder!…
A ship appears in the sky, heading to a place near Nal’s pod.
Nal: …sky dragon!…
Sharlek/Tivray: …fear…. panic… run… hide!
Nal: …quiet… stop chatter…
Nal watches carefully as the ship descends.
Nal: ..quick… move further… follow…
Nal rushes to a new spot they can see the ship from a bit further.
The ship lands, after a few minutes the landing bay lowers and four people walk out, in spacesuits (with clear face shield so we can see them). They take a few steps out and start to use scanners.
Close up of Nal’s pod
Nal: …dragon fell dying?… maggots spewing out… lucky… threat lower…
Tivray: …run?… scared…
Nal: …stay… learn… warn… protect…
Shot of all 4 people standing; Kennedy Jarod is looking out into the planet, cautiously optimistic; Nate Elm is also looking around, smiling; Vanishi is using a tricorder like device to scan the area; and Steve Pintz is in front staring at his tricorder in amazement.
Steve: It is unbelievable, but it’s breathable folks…
Vanishi: Bullshit, not possible.
Steve: For real.
Both Nate and Kennedy are now looking at their tricorders, suspicious.
Kennedy: I see that too, but given the trouble we have had even scanning this planet, can we trust it?
Nate: Agreed, too much weirdness to jump ahead.
Steve hits a button and lowers his facemask so he can breathe the air. The other three look at him in surprise.
Steve: Trust the science, it’s always right.
Steve takes a big breath, eyes closed, taking it all in.
Steve: Hot damn, its like the purest air I’ve ever tasted!
A few shots of the team debating in their own heads, then Nate and Vanishi lower their masks and take in the air.
Nate: Amazing… just amazing.
Kennedy: You idiots are going to get microbes in your lungs and die on me.
Steve points to his tricorder in defiance.
Steve: I said pure, I meant it. It’s a damn miracle. And we are as vaccinated as any human could be, and then some.
Kennedy: You do realize vaccines only work on stuff we know about already. Where did you get your science degree again bro?
Steve: Ugh, whatever.
Few shots of the team walking a few feet out and looking around. Nate now has some high-powered binoculars on.
Back to Nal’s pod, they are peeking to see the maggots, looking a little like curious prairie dogs.
Nal: ..maggots HUGE… hunting?… starving?… keep distance…
Sharlek: …nervous… too close?…
Nate stops short and is intensely focused on his binoculars.
Nate: Oh snap. Indigenous live.
Shot of Nal’s pod, but through Nate’s binoculars with various distance numbers and size estimate. Screen says “no life forms found”
Nate: And these don’t even register as life? Our scans are crap. That’s obviously a small mammal-like life form.
The other 3 now have their binoculars on and are staring at the same spot Nate is.
Kennedy: Oh my god…
Steve: Haha! And about as cute as could be, look at them!
Vanishi: Shit. Shit shit shit.
Nal’s pod, all 3 look terrified.
Nal: …spotted!… hunting!… RUN RUN RUN
The pod tears off as fast as they can to get away.
Pod: Rrrriii rrriii rrriiiii
Nate is laughing.
Nate: No kidding! Even their panic squeals are adorable!
Nate smiles in confidence.
Nate: Damn good thing you brought me along Kennedy. Told you so.
Nate looks at Kennedy, but then notices she is terrified, shook to her core, sick to her stomach.
Nate stops smiling and tries to be concerned.
Nate: It won’t happen again, that’s why I’m here.
Kennedy: Just shut the hell up. We have a job to do.
Kennedy lowers her face shield, resigned to whatever fate they have now.
Kennedy: Ok back to task, lets setup shop.
Nate, trying to remain in control.
Nate: Yes, lets get to it team, chop chop!
Final shot of all 4 standing and thinking about the next step, in the extreme foreground Nal running away. These captions on each person:
Nate Elm – Independent Captain
Kennedy Jarod – OWFI Management
Vanishi – OWFI Security
Nal – Pod leader (LOCKED)
Choosing a character will continue the story. Other choices will not be available again until later in the story, choose wisely.
(if hovering over Nal) “Choice will be unlocked after the story progresses further along.”
BEGIN THE ADVENTURE, CHOOSE A PROTAGONIST ABOVE